“In West Philadelphia, she was born and raised. On the playground was where she spend most of her days.” Indeed, little Willa did spend most of her days on the playground…when she wasn’t at school or helping in her parent’s restaurant, La Hacienda. The school playground was not nearly as nice as this one. Too many kids. Too many distractions. Willa was a shy little girl and she preferred spending her time daydreaming, playing with the characters in her imagination.
But one day, everything was destined to change. Willa was a little older, 12 now. Right at that age where girls start becoming teenagers and feasting on the emotions of the weaker members of their species. That’s what happened to our poor little Willa. Some girls came along who were up to no good, and they provoked her into a fight (girl fights are the worst…fingernails and hair pulling, oh my). So, Willa’s mom got scared and sent her to live with her rich aunt and uncle on the pristine streets of Bel-Air.
Oh, how I wish I could tell you that peace and happiness met her there. But it was not meant to be. Willa was forced to wait on her ugly step-cousins (because their mom was her uncle’s second wife) like she was their slave. Cleaning, ironing, picking up Venti coffees, it was all just too much.
Until one day when Willa was 17. She was out picking up one of the step-cousin’s dry cleaning when she met a handsome young man, named Justin Bieber. They clicked instantly, so he invited her to the VMA’s the following night! Willa spun around in rapturous delight until she stopped short. “Whatever will I wear??” she wailed. She was about to delve into the pit of despair, when what to her wondering eyes should appear? Why it’s Lady Gaga and eight scantily-clad dancers!
“I’ll take care of you, little monster,” Gaga reassured. And she swept her around to every expensive store in the city, buying beautiful things for her to wear. They did, however, avoid one store that had refused service to Willa a week earlier (probably because all she owned were cargo pants and peasant blouses). But on her way past the store, she couldn’t resist taking her bedazzled new self into the store, finding the rude saleslady, and proclaiming, “You work off of commission, right? Big mistake. Big. Huge.”
The next day, Justin sent a limo to pick Willa up. The driver even dropped her off on the red carpet. All the people lining the red carpet were left wondering who this beautiful young lady could be. She caught up with Justin backstage and he was just about to direct her to their seats when she overhear, “Oh no! You’ve got to be kidding me!? Katy Perry can’t perform because she’s exhausted? My life is over!”
The frazzled production manager locked eyes with Willa. “You! Can you sing? Can you do anything entertaining?” (obviously Justin was already performing so she couldn’t ask him)
“Um, I…uhhh…I think…I yes. Yes, I sing.” Willa had never done anything like this in her life! But, her life had kind of sucked so far, so why not?
“Great. What’s your name?” the lady asked.
“Selena. Selena Gomez.”
To make a long story short, Selena performed, she killed it, she started dating Justin Bieber and became best friends with Taylor Swift. And she lived happily ever after.
(Except for the Justin Bieber thing. That fizzled as quickly as it began.)
“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”, “Cinderella”, “Twas the Night Before Christmas”, “Pretty Woman”